I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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