apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so let's talk penis.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
