If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
