I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
