Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
