he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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