just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
