if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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