i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
