I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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