I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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