Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
