Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize