Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
