Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
