halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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