So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just puked most of my soul out..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
