My pussy is not your playground.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
