My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
