my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
