Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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