Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
