I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
