It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
