ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
