I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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