I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
