my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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