Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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