Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
