I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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