he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
