apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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