every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
