So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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