It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
