This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i out mim tonsoeep
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
