i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
