You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
