The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
