Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize