Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
