she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I have post one night stand depression
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