I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
