the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
