the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
NoShamevember. You game?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
