i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
