a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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