mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
