I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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