She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
