this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
