Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
