remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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