Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
