I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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