i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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