if you like me you must not know who I am
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
