I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
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Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
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I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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