epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
