you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
