Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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