There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
