Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm too high and old for this...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
