Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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