i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
thus making me awesome and them whores
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
