Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
tell me about the eggs
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
