Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
