you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
