Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life