Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers