Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.