shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.