we have officially lost it.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.