Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
