i barfeds in our rink
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
