Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She told me I should be a condom model.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I could fuck to npr.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
