he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
