I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
