When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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