you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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