o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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