had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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