so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
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I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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