haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
