no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
