Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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