I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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