I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
