I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
