chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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