plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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