i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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