You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
